The War Between Good and Evil Rages On…9 Days In and Good is Prevailing

I sort of disappeared this week. Poof, fell off the face of the earth, went incognito, vanished into thin air as they say. It was a necessary poof though, if I was planning on remaining sane without clutching a Marlboro Ultra Light between my fingers for the rest of my smoke-filled life, that is.

It has been six days since I last logged on and jotted down the funny little things that ramble their merry fucking way through my nicotine addicted brain. And those were some long days my friend. Some long fucking drag-your-ass-through-the fucking-muck-and-mire-of everyday-boredom days. These were the kind of days that the atomic clock forgets to record; each second taking longer to tick by than it takes for a snail to make its journey around the whole fucking world and when that finally happens sixty times and a single minute passes, multitudes of murders, deaths, births, loves and lost loves have simultaneously ripped through the pages of history without so much as a moment’s notice and throughout the entire span of it all one thought has remained in the foreground of all my thoughts; “damn I’d kill my mother to have a cigarette right now.”

This computer, having been my log, my diary, my friend so to speak, has also been a iron ball and chain around my neck. It does not judge me if I want to sit and blow smoke at it all day. It doesn’t wrinkle its nose and tell me it stinks or that I’m going to get lung cancer. In fact it welcomes the warm scent of wafting burnt tobacco I believe.

You see there is a direct connection between my ceasing to smoke and my finger’s eminent absence from dancing along the computer keyboard. I’m convinced that my computer monitor is as much a slave to nicotine as I am; that after enduring endless hours of having smoke coating its screen and drifting into its air vents, it too feels that something has changed. There has been a shift in the environment and it too longs for the familiar days of haze and habit.

The computer, the screen, the mouse, the desk, all of it has beckoned me with empty promises that it will be easy to sit and log on without the comfort of my friend Marlboro but I have stood my ground and bit at the chomp as they say to avoid my dear up-in-smoke friend and that has meant an avoidance of the computer as well.

Now I sit here, drenched in expectation that without my coveted pack of Marlboro’s I’ll feel lost. Strangely enough, right now, in this very moment I don’t feel lost. Granted I feel a little new but not really lost. Perhaps there is a sort of change that has taken place; more than just the obvious lack of cigarettes; perhaps it is the change of old habits that die hard and need little blue pills to disrupt. Whatever it is, I am smoke-free for 9 days now and that My Friend, is progress and triumph!

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2 Responses to “The War Between Good and Evil Rages On…9 Days In and Good is Prevailing”

  1. Thesaurus Rex Says:

    Excellent. I notice you haven’t said ‘give up’ smoking. Life as a non-smoker is better than as a smoker. You don’t give anything up. It gets better after about a month. Any physical exercise you take is easier to recover from. Food may taste better.
    You know all this so I’ll shut up now. But good luck, you may need it once in a while.

  2. The Libertine Muse Says:

    Thanks for the encouragement, this has been hard to do but I feel better for it and I need all the encouragement I can get. Hubby isn’t doing so great at quitting but I”m sticking to my guns.

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