I just wanted to let everyone know that I still don’t have raunchytaters.com finished. I can’t figure out how to edit the template for certain pages. I’m almost done though. As soon as I’m done getting those certain templates edited I’ll be importing all these posts over there and closing this blogger blog down. Or at least pointing it over there.
the other thing is I will be posting Fucked Up Friday news later today so look for that.
Last week’s Fucked Up Friday News included a photo of urinals shaped like nuns. I’ve been wanting to blog about them but haven’t had much of a chance this week so here’s my post about strange fucking crappers and a few other things I find amusing.There’s a website that lists photos of weird bathrooms. Here’s some pictures of some very strange shit catchers.
I love this toilet. I’m now contemplating painting one of my toilets to look just like this one!
What guy wouldn’t want beautiful woman ogling his dick like it’s the biggest baddest thing they’ve ever seen?
Talk about making beautiful music in the bathroom. Apparently this music lover likes to piss in his horn.
What the fuck? Oh my god this one cracks me up! I guess the guys love these urinals because every guy enjoys putting his dick in a pretty mouth.
I have no words because I’m snorting coffee through my nose because I’m laughing way to fucking hard.
You can see all the weird bathrooms on the Slightly Warped website.
I love this next pic. I also love the blog it was posted on. Adrants gives me daily giggles and much needed guffaws. Get your mind out of the urinal and click on the picture…it’s not what you think it is.
The Petersen Automotive Museum and store has some of the coolest shit. If I had a couple of thousand bucks I’d go on a shopping spree on their website. check out this briefcase. I’d love to buy this for my husband for Christmas but it’s almost 500 bucks so that won’t happen. Nice thought though.
I am buying the rat fink shirt for my son though. check out the graphics on this shirt. It fucking rocks!
They also have kick ass posters. Check this one out.
It’s that time of year again. Fall is in the air. Even though I live in California where there are only two real seasons there’s enough change in the air that my whole body screams autumn.
I don’t know what the appeal is but I love fall time. There’s something about the smell of the air and the way the sunlight looks on the asphalt when the angle of the sun changes and no longer sears our planet with unforgiving heat rays.
Have you ever noticed that during the fall the sky takes on a husky sort of look? It’s not quite bright and not quite dim or overcast. It’s somewhere in between. I love that.
Fall makes me mischievous too. 90% of the crazy shit I’ve ever done has been in the fall time.
Once, I went through the Burger King drive through as a naked, drunk passenger in some town I can’t remember somewhere between Santa Cruz and Merced at some time in the middle of the night after an extended weekend where breakfast consisted of a side plate of deep fried cheese sticks and a hairy navel; just a bit extra hairy. I do vaguely remember getting around 3 hours of sleep that weekend. When we pulled up to the window, with me naked, I even argued with the kid about over charging me for a soda. I can’t remember if he corrected that mistake or not but he WAS pleasant.
I also answered the door for the pizza delivery guy butt ass naked one time too. I startled the poor man so bad he dropped my change. See..fall makes me do crazy things but I guess I’m lucky I don’t feel compelled to bark at the moon.
I also tend to get into more fights during the fall. One of my children was conceived during the fall and I myself was conceived in the fall time.
Shit seems to hit the fan every year around the same time as predictable as Old Faithful. It always starts in early September and picks up momentum from there until I’m neck deep in irritating shit come Halloween.
One of those irritating things happens to be my tater-ass husband as the moment who is sitting right here next to me while I’m writing this post in my notebook. He’s talking smack. He says the K in my name should stand for chaos. I’ve said it before, he can’t GOD DAMNED SPELL!! And that drives me insane.
He’s also saying that I’m like Gilda Radner and he’s John Belushi. Whatever the hell that means. Now he’s saying some stupid shit about me being Irish and just itching for a fight, good thing I don’t have a gun like my grandma as well as some other crap that’s making my ears bleed.
Who knows what the hell he’s saying because I just popped my earbud thingies in and while his mouth is moving all I hear is Drowning Pool screaming, Let the bodies hit the floor in my ear. Beautiful music.
He’s right about one thing though. There is more chaos in my life this time of year. Particularly the psychotic maternal type.
Didn’t I start this post by saying how much I like fall time? Screw that, take me back to fucking June.
Baseball is the American past time and it’s a blast to play and watch. The only thing to turn a great game into a migraine headache is someone who heckles the players with little to no regard to the other people enjoying the game. Here are a few rules every heckler should know but isn’t necessarily aware of.
1.Profanity is not a part of the game. Remember that baseball is a sporting event for families. Moms, dads, sons and daughters all attend games and nobody wants to hear expletives being spurted from your mouth. Anything that requires censoring should not be yelled out in public.
2.Don’t get violent. Everyone knows that heckling is a part of baseball but if you get violent you ruin the game for everyone else. Plus the players have bats and you don’t…Read the rest
The current generation is one of the most amazing time periods to be alive since the Romans. Today’s world is full of technological gadgets and information for everything from Electronic
Babies keeping our kids from getting pregnant to what kind of dog food is best for our canine friends. I heard someone say recently, “You know its 2007 when you try to put your password into your microwave,” and almost fell out of my chair laughing at the sheer truth of it. The truth being that, in this day and age you can’t help noticing the obvious differences between now and thirty years ago.
So, you know you are a part of the current generation when…
1. Someone asks you for your mailing address and you give them your email addy.
2. The person in the car next to you at the stoplight has an IPod plugged into a tape cassette that allows the music to come through their car speakers.
3. You can’t live without a cell phone for 20 minutes when you didn’t even have one for the last 20 years.
4. You are caught in public wearing a helmet, knee pads, elbow pads and gloves while skating.
5. You have an IPod plugged into a tape cassette that allows the music to come through your car speakers.
6. You come home from work, get on the computer, do some work and get paid through paypal.
7. You think those big black plastic discs are a wonderment to behold but don’t actually know what they do.
8. Someone says they have a virus and you check your computer.
9. You log onto the internet in the morning before you’ve poured your first cup of coffee.
10. You completely understand the term Blog.
11. Instead of joining a local club you sign up at MySpace to meet new friends.
12. You buy a Big Mac at McDonald’s and it’s no bigger than the cheeseburger.
13. Hearing about someone throwing their Wii game controller through their television screen seems commonplace amongst glitches and bugs.
14. Bugs are no longer creepy crawly things but are things that can crash your computer, file, website etc.
15. You email your mom to ask for your favorite recipe.
16. You email your dad to invite him to lunch.
17. You are able to send a text message, drive a stick shift automobile and eat a Big Mac at the same time.
18. A new cell phone face plate is your newest fashion accessory.
19. Everywhere you look dogs are wearing sweaters that match the purse they are being carried in.
20. You no longer watch the boob tube, you watch YouTube instead.
21. You do a google for your missing keys.
I don’t get it. I check my blog stats a lot and I’m not often shocked by how people end up here reading my posts. However! I have to say I can’t for the life of me understand why people are searching for the following things:
Man+fucked+by+gorilla
Caught-jacking+off
Uncle=fucking+girl
Animal+fuck+man
Nun+porn
Since so many of my silent, non-participating readers are looking for these things I aim to oblige. So, fuckers this post is for you. Here’s your gorilla fucking man caught jacking off nun porn.
First let me satisfy your need for a little gorilla humor.
A small Alabama wild animal park acquired a very rare species of gorilla. within a few weeks the gorilla become very difficult to handle. Upon examination, the park vet determined the problem. The gorilla was in heat. To make matters worse, there was no male gorilla available. Reflecting on there problem, the park administrator thought of Eddie Stenden, a redneck part-time intern, who was responsible for cleaning the animals cages. Eddie, like most rednecks, had little sense, but possessed ample ability to satisfy a female of any species. The park administrator thought they might have a solution.
Eddie was approached with a proposition. Would he be willing to mate with the gorilla for $500.00? Eddie showed interest, but said he would have to think the matter over carefully.
The following day, Eddie announced that he would accept their offer, but only under the following conditions.
1 “First,” he said, “I don’t want to have to kiss her on the lips.” The park administrator quickly agreed to the condition.
2 “Second,” Eddie said, “you must never tell anyone about this.” The Park administrator again agreed to the condition.
3 “Third”, Eddie said, “I want all offspring to be raised Southern Baptist.” Once again the administrator agreed.
4 And last of all Eddie stated ” You’ve got to give me another week to come up with the $500.00
On a more serious note, we have news today that a dumb fucker in South Carolina tried to teach his high school drama class what it looks like when gorillas have sex by grabbing a BOY (not a girl mind you) from behind and dry humping his rear. You can read about it on First Coast News
Last, definitely last, here’s a video of some hot monkey fucking.
Those of you looking for a little holier than though nun porn you can find it all over the internet. Here’s a few nun porn links for you to try out. God save your soul!
http://www.nunwhores.com/
I can’t say nunwhores’ nuns are real nuns but at least they have the get-up.
Here’s some holy sex toys for you too so you can jack off while your watching those nuns.
http://www.divine-interventions.com/divingnun.html
Here’s the blog of a sexy red-headed nun. Maybe she’ll appeal to you twisted bastards.
http://sexyredheadednuns.org/
Here’s a site dedicated to nun fucking. And here’s a sneak peek pic for you.
http://www.depravedlust.com/naughty-nuns/
As for getting caught jacking off…well I”m going to start a poll so if you’ve been caught beating your meat give us a vote so we can see how many people have been caught wet handed. In the meantime here’s a video for you of someone who did get caught.
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The gang situation in my town has always been a problem. In the 1980’s the Bloods and Crips moved in so fast that we became a known for our gang activity and then those who didn’t have gang affiliation but wanted to, pretended to.
Over the years it has become just another part of our society and we’ve learned to live with it. We know which areas to avoid at night and other places to stay away from entirely. We are perfectly aware of the fact that carnivals and fairs are gangster hotbeds and that 7-11 on the corner, two doors down from a police station, is not exactly the smartest place to be…ever.
Now it seems there is another place we have to get used to not going later in the evenings, the local cemetery.
What was once a demand from the public to eradicate the goth kids every October is now an outraged outcry for something to be done about the gang members throwing wild alcohol-serving, sex-having, drug induced parties atop the graves of their fallen brethren.
It seems that some of our more concerned citizens have reported the parties to the police and now we find ourselves in somewhat of a moral and legal quandary.
Here’s the thing. Having a party in a cemetery at a friend or family member’s graveside is not in itself illegal because it is considered a memorial however we are talking about known gang members, public drunkenness and public sex and for sure some serious mary-jane smoking, powder snorting, pill taking and needle using.
The cemetery these gangsters are gathering in is open until the wee hours of the morning so my question is who the hell besides the goth kids and gangsters is going to the cemetery in the middle of the night?
Now, our town has had a gang task force for quite some time and they are so familiar with the gang member’s profiles that should be like homies amongst each other. You know some of the gang members the P.D. is keeping track of, have some warrants out there. You also know that the police can arrest them for public drunkenness alone, so why are the police watching the parties and not doing anything?
Somehow this creates a very funny scenario in my head that goes like this:
An Old woman with gray-blue hair in rollers stands at her window nervously gripping the curtains that she hides behind. Her wrinkled eyelid blinks several times as she focuses her sight through the slight slit in the curtains and onto the cemetery across the street.
Directly across from her house a group of Mexican and black gang members are gathered. They are having a party, illuminated by the headlights from their cars as they dance, talk and laugh all the while mindlessly screwing and toking at the same time.
The old woman looks over her shoulder at her husband who sits blissfully ignorant of anything that comes out of her mouth and says,
“Harold there’s them gangers over there again. They just keep fucking and smoking. They have no business over there…and fucking right next to Aunt Ethel’s grave too, and blowing that nasty iguana smoke everywhere. I can
smell it from here. Can’t you smell it? That’s it, I’m calling down to supervisor Tom and telling him to get these bastards out of that cemetery.”
That’s how I imagine it happening anyway. There really is a Supervisor named Tom in my town. He’s the city manager and just recently he released a gang member from jail so that he could attend the funeral of a fellow gang member. He was told to return to jail at a specified time. This particular gang member was the leader of a gang that was recently raided by the swat team or gang force or whatever they all it. He was captured during the raid and there has been a bit of a gang war between the P. D and the gangs since. As to be expected the gang member did NOT return to jail so he basically escaped and they haven’t caught him yet.
I for one did not know that the city manager had the authority to release inmates from jail. Does this mean any city employee can release prisoners? This is some strange stuff indeedy!
Anyway back to what I was saying. I don’t know for sure but I’m assuming the people reporting these gang members are probably older but they aren’t telling the rest of us. There aren’t any houses around the cemetery so this makes me question how anyone knows for sure there are gang members congregating there in the middle of the night to party.
Now, here’s some irony for you. Guess what else happens at the cemetery late at night this time of the year…except for the Goth kids? The Mexicans around here are celebrating the Day of the
dead. This means that both Latino and black gang members want to be at the same place at the same time. I wonder what the Asian gangs are doing this time of year. Anyone know? I should check into that. We usually hear more about them around the Chinese New Year.
I figure that to be the best time for gang members to be there. At least if they’re there in the middle of the night they aren’t bothering anyone else during the day. Not to mention if they are going to start shooting each other up, the graveyard is the perfect place for death and there most likely won’t be any innocent bystanders accidentally shot in the back of the head. Except maybe the goth kids.
This raises another issue all together. Where are the goth kids? Are they still going to the cemetery? Have they found a new cemetery or some other location to hold séances? Have they struck a truce with the gang members? Are the goth kids gang members? Are the rest of the city’s citizens concerned for the safety of the goth kids because they know they’re the only ones out there at that time of the night? Is it the goth kids’ parents who are reporting the gangsters? Have the goth kids earned the right to congregate there after all these years? Why does anyone care about the safety of the goth kids when every year before it was the goth kids being thrown out of the cemetery? Hmmmm so many questions….
This has become such a dilemma that nobody is doing anything about it except for whining and making a big deal of it. The police aren’t making any arrests, some laws are being broken, the city doesn’t know if they are breaking any laws, the citizens are at odds about how it should be handled, the gang members don’t give a damn, we’ve lost track of the goth kids and in the meantime the newspapers are blowing it out of proportion.
So, the city council has decided to pass a law mandating that parties can’t be thrown or had in the cemetery. What a bunch of idiots.
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I have been working my ass off on the launch of the new Raunchy Taters and now I”m wondering if it was really worth all the fucking effort.
I still have work to do on the header but it will serve its purpose for the time being. I imported the data from this blog over to wordpress and some screwy things happened along the way that now I have to go in and fix manually..one. post. at. a. damned. time! how irritating.
So far the front page of the new blog looks great in firefox and opera (aside from all the posts I have to manually fix) but looks like utter shit in IE. All you IE fuckers stop using that crap and get yourself a real browser so me and everyone else doens’t have to fight with the code damnit.
Anyway I still have quite a bit of work to do but if you are interested and want a sneak peek at what the new Raunchy Taters is going to look like then go have a look, just go to www.raunchytaters.com
It’s Fucked Up Friday News time once again. I promised I’d have it posted on time this week so here she blows. Enjoy.
Some cheap bastard (or bastard-ess) stole 350 bras from a Victoria Secret store in a Flagstaff Arizona Mall earlier this week. Not one of the security tags caused the store’s alarms to go off and the fiasco didn’t get caught on the store’s or the mall’s security cameras. So all you cheap bastards looking to buy your wife some lingerie, head over to Victoria Secret in Flagstaff but whatever you do don’t buy bras on eBay because the police are watching for them to be sold online.
Wanna talk about dumb asses? Ok, here’s one for you. A dumbass living
in Hillsboro Ohio sawed a house in half and it wasn’t even his house. He had been living in it sure, but he didn’t own it. The real owner was in the process of building the house and was letting Rodney Rogers (66 years old might I add) live in it. The owner was supposed to sell the house to Rogers when it was finished but changed his mind. Rogers got pissed off about it and decided to saw the top half off. He didn’t manage to get the top half off but it now it looks like it was attacked by a can opener. Dumbass.
Libraries are hard up for money it seems because a New York library employee refused to waive a 50 cent fine even though the borrower had recently died. The daughter of the deceased found the book less than two week after her mother died and tried to return it. The employee demanded she pay the fine even after she proved the death was legitimate. A few days later someone from the library called and offered to refund the 50 cents. Cheap ass fuckers.
Mormons crack me up so bad I could just piss myself. They might lecture you about drinking coffee, smoking cigarettes and have premarital sex but they sure as hell can’t say anything to
you for posing half naked in a calendar. Wanna know why not? Because a group of them decided THEY could pose half naked for a calendar in the name of Jesus Christ, hallelujia, Amen! If you are thinking you might could be persuaded to join the Mormon movement, think again dumbass because that’s the whole reason they did it. They’re trying to sucker you into joining their church so that you will take YOUR shirt off for them so they don’t have to do it. Dumbasses.
Note from the Taterlady…Seriously though, these guys are fucking HOT!!!! Damn I need a cold shower now. Whew!
C’mon Catholics, explain to me why you are so damned stupid? Did you know that the Vatican excommunicated a group of idiots called the Army of Mary? Well they did. I know that sounds strange 
but it gets even stranger. The leader of this army claims to be Mary reincarnated. Now, c’mon do you really believe that? Apparently six nuns from Arkansas have been excommunicated including one 82 year old granny who bought into it hook, line and sinker. Vatican, The Pope, whoever…do you really think it’s harmful for some old ass people to believe in this shit when they’re probably senile as it is and probably don’t even know who their own children are? Do you really think your God will fault their elderly, tired souls for that? Hell the leader is fucking 86 years old. She’s probably so out of her mind it’s a wonder anybody fucking believes her! Dumbasses!
I leave you with one last parting video:
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People who claim to live as real sanguinarian vampires are not as easy to spot as you would think. Most of them don’t dress like Goths and therefore appear to be just like you and me but to a vampire, Halloween is for corsets and thigh-high stiletto boots and here is a list of things you’ll need if you plan on participating in a Vampyric Halloween as a Vampire Vixen.
Corsets
Every Vampire Vixen needs a corset. They are a part of the dangerous sex appeal that vampires exude. Here are some excellent vampishly wicked corset sellers.
Dare Gothic Clothing -Corsets sold at Dare Gothic Clothing are HOT! They come in a wide range of styles and sizes but all are ready-to-wear. These corsets are not just made for costume purposes though; they are very expensive and are meant to be worn on a regular basis.
For a lower priced alternative The Spooky Boutique sells corsets that will have you spell bound. Their cheapest corset goes for around $22 dollars and is fantastic looking. All corsets sold at the Spooky Boutique are made of PVC and come in a variety of sizes.
Gowns
A Vampire Vixen needs a gown to go over (or under) that corset. Some of the prettiest gowns are those of a dark persuasion. Custom tailor made is my personal favorite but if you don’t have the ability to make your own gown here are a couple of places you can purchase one.
When it comes to gowns you can’t go wrong by ordering from Drac-in-a-box. This is a widely used eStore amongst the real vampire community. Their gowns are fashionable, beautiful, frightening and exquisitely made.
For something sexy, scary and expensive try Faernyn’s Grove Sustainable Clothing. The materials used in the making of the gowns and other pieces of clothing are 100% organic eco-friendly. Best of all, each piece is guaranteed.
Shoes and Boots
Every girl loves shoes. New shoes can make or break a great night out and Halloween is all about being on your feet. Vampire Vixens are known for rocking out stiletto boots and here’s where you can find some of your own.
Booty Cocktails make me drool. If I could own every single pair of boots and shoes they have I could die a happy woman. No matter what your gown looks like, you are sure to find great boots to match at Booty Cocktails.
For a more industrial goth slash punk type of boot, Rivithead is the way to go. They have boots that range from big and clompy to sleek and sexy. Personally I find their boots to be on the Witchy side but for the price of them they are…Read the rest.
